AND this is why I never watched LOST...

I feel like I need to come out of the closet on this point: I hate mind-f*** movies. Shows. Anything. That doesn't mean I'm hostile to plot twists -- I have no problem with The Sixth Sense or Fight Club (semi-spoiler alert?). I'll have you know that I wrote a story in 1st grade entitled "The Snowman," and that had a mighty fine twist at the finish. (It was all a dream, OR WAS IT?)

But one twist, that's all I'll grant you.

And these absolutely inscrutable set-ups for movies and television shows really piss me off. I'm thinking specifically of Christopher Nolan's Inception, which seriously made no sense, you guys. I don't have to understand why it makes no sense to know that it's all poppycock and nonsense. (This parody says it best: "The complexity is what makes it all so brilliant!" "Does it though?")

So here's the trailer for Looper, and I'm so disappointed that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is playing a time-travelling assassin hired to kill... himself (as played by Bruce Willis). What? Why doesn't he just put the gun to his head? His being JGL. Because BW keeps trying to run away. Why doesn't my way work? How, HOW, is this a movie?

JGL, you are on Ukelele Duty until further notice.